Paper
December 24, 2023 Andromeda Faber, Future PHD
Source’s Log: It's Christmas eve… ugh I do not want to deal with the holiday bullshit. I still need to write this paper too… That is more important than anything else honestly.
I feel really demotivated today. Yesterday I feel like I used up all my serotonin. I just need to take it easy and take it slow. There’s no need to work myself up and be anxious and feel awful for the entire day. I need to get aligned so I can go at a steady and sustainable pace today. Everything is going to work out and everything is going to happen. I’ve got this.
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| Grounding into Gaia. |
- [x] Choose an ecological system
- [x] Create Outline for paper
- [x] Artistic representation of the human lifespan
Cats
- [ ] Time Sheet
Holiday Dinner
- [x] Get list from Gamble
- [x] Go shopping
- [x] Prep
I need to take a minute to slow down and connect with spirit. I am divinely supported in everything I have planned today. Let’s set the mood with some incense and grounding music. Then we can figure out a schedule for today that will be gentle and loving. There’s no need to do anything that could trigger us into freeze mode.
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| Thought I'd step out of the house to focus. |
Source’s Log: I asked “What do I need?” today and I answered.
I feel ready to start the day. I feel like I look like myself. I feel ready to start my assignment. There is nothing else I need to do right now. I am so excited to get started.
Source's Log: I really fucked myself over by not starting on this paper sooner. It's coming along though. Hopefully it will be good enough to get me to pass.
I am going to make it through this paper if I kills me. This is really hard, but I am so capable. I will make sure to reward myself handsomely once this is done. I need to cook tomorrow and be ready for being around other people. I need to remember to get enough sleep.
Green = Haven’t tried | Yellow = sort of trying | Red = currently trying
| Prioritize your tasks (1) [X] [] [] | Practice Mindfulness (2) | Maintain an organized workspace (3) | Leverage do not disturb modes (4) | Kick your device out of bed (5) | Identify distraction drivers (6) |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Delete social media apps (7) | Create email schedule (8) | Block distracting apps (9) | Turn off your phone (10) | Silence your phone (11) | Set goals (12) |
| Limit your smartphone usage (12) | Eliminate Distractions (13) | Delete Apps (14) | Avoid multitasking (15) | Use Screentime (16) | Use Airplane Mode (17) |
| Take breaks (18) | Schedule Distractions (19) | Control your smartphone (20) | Keep your phone out of reach (21) | Turn off notifications (22) | Write down your whys (23) |
Did you prioritize your tasks? Yes.
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| I'm doing this for a reason, right? There will be a future... right? |
I am so close to being done with this paper. I think if I continue to push through I will be able to finish before the deadline at 3 AM. At this point I am just happy to turn something in at all. It’s a shame the quality is not where I’d like it to be though. Hopefully I can use this week to start setting up a schedule with my learning that feels more sustainable. I need to find a way to balance my work and my studies so that I will be able to be safe financially and academically.
Because the goal of becoming a drama therapist is so dear to me, I almost feel like I am running away from it because I do not want to ruin the opportunity by saying or doing the wrong thing. My academic work is very vulnerable. It is a reflection of my life’s purpose. It feels terrifying to let all of these people that I do not know into my thoughts on philosophy, psychology, and social justice… I feel like I do not know what my professor’s are “looking for,” and because I cannot know that and I cannot do things perfectly, I feel the need to not do anything at all.
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